At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
