Your tits are I can't wait for
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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