There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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