So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
