I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
