"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
