Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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