paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
