Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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