just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
