A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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