My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
