Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
