flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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