we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
