This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
