he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i've created a new STD.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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