I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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