I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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