In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Randomize
