So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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