made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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