I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
