just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
