i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
