I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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