I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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