he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
