Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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