Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
