No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
