Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
