im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Randomize
