Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I will be naked everywhere
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
