Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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