This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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