alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
