I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
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There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
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Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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