Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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