Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The beer is more important than you right now.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
