look no pants
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
