guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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