Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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