Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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