Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
