i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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