That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
