it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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