Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
