1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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