You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize