the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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