I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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