Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
They took my balls.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
