Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
