if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
