awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
