The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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