Are we in a gay sports bar?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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