I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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