Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
