when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
