jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
