I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
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The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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