Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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