i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
