Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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