I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
